i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
