so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
