my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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