the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
