this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
