on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
