He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
