I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
