I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize