why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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