Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
