I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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