Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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