I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
