Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize