he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So many bounce houses so little time
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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