don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
