You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
