Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
