Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
