i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
