? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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