Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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