If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
