Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
