remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Randomize
