she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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