i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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