When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
how does that bad decision feel?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
