I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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