We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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