1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
