Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
