Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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