My sheets look like a crime scene.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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