I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
