party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
