gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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