my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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