And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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