Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
