Me too!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Randomize
