that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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