It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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