went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
