"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
