True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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