saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
