Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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