Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
