I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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