worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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