Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.