I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
