My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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