Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
