I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
