seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
