Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
