Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
