mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
