The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
