Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
