Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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