The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
