I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
