Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
