I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
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Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
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What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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