Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize