Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
