Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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