Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
