Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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